WOW! And I say it louder.

I am obsessed.

I cant help it.

You have me warped.

I keep wanting to know more.

I find out more.

I want to stop.

I don’t want to know anymore.

I am afraid of what I will do with what I know.

Of who I will tell what I know.

Will it hurt you?

Will you even care?

I don’t want to be obsessed.

I am going to push you out of everything.

I am going to make you suffer.

This will end my obsession.

Goodbye.

When we are young we all do this. We are stubborn. We dont listen to anyone but ourselves. We dont want help from anyone because we want to prove we are an adult and can be self sufficient.  We get this immense feeling of freedom at 18 that just makes us want to rebel against everything…

We all need that immature new adult life, where we make mistakes, try new things, love, have your heart broken, get into trouble, loose close family or friends, make new friends, live on our own, etc.  It helps further define who we are as people and sharpen us to be a real adult, with responsibilities.

Getting closer to 30 though, it seems we all have this time when we start to become more aware of how we are as a person.  What we want in life.  What makes us truly happy.

The more that we become aware of how we act and what we do, the more mature we become.

It’s fun, cause looking back over the past 5~10 years, I know I did this, I know people told me I was wrong, and I didn’t listen to them.  Now I find myself telling the younger generation the same things and those people don’t want to believe it either. I hope I can be there in the next 10 years to have a laugh with them as they realize the same thing. They will become self aware and thus mature as well.

Becoming self aware is a sign of real maturity.

One of the moments in life that changed the way I think.

I was at work one day.  A older guy came in, prolly around 60~70.  As I was helping him, we talked.

He asked if I was married.  I remember chuckling and I said, ‘I am only 22′.  He went on to tell me how long he had been married.  Something like 50 years or something, I don’t recall the exact number, but stopped dead in his track and looked at me, stared sincerely in my eyes and asked me.

‘You know why I am still married?’

The look in his eye, the way he asked that.  I was confused and curious.  I still remember it clearly.

His answer was powerful.

‘We both are too stubborn to leave each other…  That my boy, that’s called love.’

I still think back on that.  Too stubborn to leave each other.  What does that really mean.

When ever I meet a new woman, I ask myself that. ‘Will I be too stubborn to leave this one? Will she be too stubborn to leave me?’

Love is an interesting emotion.  It can feel different for different people.  It makes us feel happy, sad, and angry.  Yet, we all, deep down inside, long for it.  We all want to be loved, and to love someone.  To grow old and enjoy life together.  To have a family of our own, whether that be kids or animals in the family you share.

I may not be at that point in my life to settle down.  The thought it nice though.  I will work on finding someone I am too stubborn to leave first.  Then go from there.

Will you be the one?

I am struggling.

How will people view what I am about to do?

How will my mom take it?

How do I even tell her to begin with?

Are these feelings true?

Am I in love?

Or, am I just afraid to loose my special someone?

My life is turned upside down now.

This is a big leap.

And, I am afraid of heights.

Can I be a good husband?

Can I be a good father?

I don’t want to break your heart.

Lets hold hands and do this together.

I want to be your rock you can stand on.

And, I want you to be the caregiver for the rock.

Together forever.

These are my feelings.

Wow! I cannot believe its been over a year now.  I have enjoyed blogging these past 12 months, off and on. Yay me!

Went and saw District 9 last Thursday at midnight showing. Movie was pretty fantastic.  Almost felt real. As if this will happen in the near future.  Animations were spot on, the acting didn’t feel corny, and the aliens were pretty bad ass.

Oh, and The Guild released a great music video.

Oh, beautiful kite.
You fly just our of my reach.
The winds blowing you around.
I can feel you tug at the string in my hand.
Do I let you go?
Do you like me holding on to you?
Caring for you?
Making sure you don’t hit any trees?
Would you rather me let go and let you fly off into the wind?

Oh, beautiful kite, let me know.
Don’t tease me with your graceful movements in the air.
Wish I could reel you in and touch you.
Maybe, if you don’t want to fly away, when the winds die down.
Hope you at least enjoyed me tugging on your string.
My heart goes with you no matter what you decide.

Oh, beautiful kite, why won’t you just let me know.
I won’t be able to hold on forever….

I want a woman who is proud of who she is and doesn’t care what others think of her.

I want a woman that will steal my gum outta my mouth when we kiss.

I want a woman who understands, it’s ok to pee in the shower.

I want a woman that doesn’t mind wearing girl cloths once in awhile, ie skirt/dress/etc.

I want a woman that likes the idea of pouring gasoline on a cat, setting it on fire and watching it run around the neighborhood.

I want a woman that can let me sleep under the covers, and that doesn’t require it to be pitch black in the room to sleep.

I want a woman that is close to her family.

I want a woman who wears her hair long.

I want a woman to respect that I need my alone time just as much as she does.

I want a woman that appreciates at least ONE of my passions.

I want a woman that sometimes says teehee or other cute stuff.

I want a woman to steal food off my plate and let me be “mad” at her for it.

I want a woman that will make out in the rain together.

I want a woman to push me to be a better man for her.

I want a woman that is intelligent.

I want a woman that lets me pick out outfits for her to wear.

I want a woman that will miss not being held in my arms.

I want a woman who doesn’t smoke or do any drugs.

I want a woman that is honest with her feelings towards herself and to me.

I want a woman that trusts me fully, as I will return the same to her.


Damn, I am picky.


When you find the person who, not only appreciates your faults, but loves you because of them, you know you hit the jackpot.

From a few weeks ago.

The other day was interesting. Was at the bank doing my daily deposit… and one of the gals there was asking what our hours were. She then offered me a job as a teller at the bank! I guess rumor has it I am a great employee and they would be blessed to have me there. It made me feel very good that someone wanted me to work for them, and for them to ask me directly I felt honored.  Of course I declined though. I don’t want to go back to work at a place where my hours are very rigid.  I like my flexible schedule I have now.

They ended up having someone transfer from another bank to this one. I heard she was available too… bleh

Keep having this feeling like I should settle down and get me a woman, but I am happy where I am at now.  Just, everyone one I know has a significant other. Feel like I am going tomiss an opportunity if I don’t act now.

So torn sometimes.

So, I was on facebook, looking at my friends and came across one that, well, I miss. They added me as a friend but never said anything to me, though to be fair I didn’t say anything either. Kinda sad. I miss them a lot. We had some good times together. 

Anyways, it got me to thinking about my days at Willamette. One of the greatest things I was apart of there and was one of the best memories was the ASWU elections.

Let me preface this post a lil’ bit. After being on campus for a few weeks I found out about a peer to peer type webpage that connected all the computers on campus together. It was a big file share site and you could search it for files and then proceed to download them from the machine that had them. This site was called “Vote Kasha”.

I guess it was kind of a joke from the previous year, never quite got an answer to what it really meant. I think there was actually a person named Kasha that left/graduated that year.

Iirc it was a few months and the Vote Kasha forums were born. This was the place that we all could communicate with each other. Set up posts outlining who would download what season for this show via bittorrent or whatever. It also was a place where we got into off topic discussion. About campus life. Flaming people for what they had on their computer. Poeple having pr0n and such. Was fun, very fun.

Ok, on to the good stuff. There came a time when the good people of WU needed to elect a new student body… and guess what the people who ran the forums did.. yup, that’s right, campaigned for Kasha as prez. I still have the poster that was plastered everywhere.

Now who wouldn’t want to vote for Kasha? by the way, I don’t know whether the guy is Kasha or not but reading the poster it refers to Kasha a a girl.

I resided in Doney on the corner of the 2nd floor and we had 2 windows. I made some signs saying “Vote Kasha” to help with the camp[aignh as my room windows were pretty visible to most walking on campus. 

Today, I decided to see if my WU email still worked cause I had an email of the ASWU results. Well one of the 2 emails. I have the one for outcome summery, not the actually tallys.

Excerpt from the email:

Thanks to everyone that voted for the ASWU Executive, we had 710 ballots
cast. Here are the results:

President:
  Killpack 413
  Write In 246

As you can see there was a major write in. I wish I had the other email as to who were the write ins, but I can tell you it was 21 votes for some other dude and 225 votes for… Kasha. I was floored. When I saw that email I literally fell to the floor laughing. it was awesome. I knew I had voted for Kasha as a joke, but 224 other people did too?

On a side note, I did a google search for “Vote Kasha” and found a blog. Not sure who this person was but I am going to try and find out.

I also decided to email the friend I missed. Hope they will understand.